


Nervous

by the_vampire_turtle



Series: Sanders Sides Swimmerverse [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Comfort, Anxiety, Breststroke, Butterfly, Club Swim, Cussing, Fluff, Freestyle, Gen, Hyperventilating, Light Angst, Nervous, Supportive Teammates, Swim, Swim Team, Swimming, Swimming Pools, Team, Teenagers, anxiety attack, backstroke, cheering, highschool, kicking, starts, turns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29203041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_vampire_turtle/pseuds/the_vampire_turtle
Summary: It's the first meet after quarantine, and Remus is nervous.You do not have to read the other works in this series. They don't go in any particular order.
Series: Sanders Sides Swimmerverse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2143902
Kudos: 8





	Nervous

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't ready the first work in this series, I highly recommend you do so. It has descriptions on each of the characters, as well as explanations for the swimming terminology I use.
> 
> Usually at swim meets, coaches want their swimmers to come talk to them before their race so that they can mentally prepare and their coach can remind them of things to do during the race. Then, coaches usually want you to talk to them after you swim so that you can evaluate your race and get notes.
> 
> A bulkhead is a metal, movable platform that stretches across the length of the pool and can be moved to change the distance of the pool. They are pretty thin and can get dangerous if a lot of people are crowded on them at once.
> 
> Warning: Swear words.

3rd person POV

The loud noises of the pool deck assaulted Remus' ears. He was standing on the side of the pool deck waiting for coach Thomas to come talk to him before his race. Thomas was up on the bulkhead, and didn't want his swimmers up there so that nobody would slip and fall in. Remus knew that one of his other teammates must've been racing at the moment, because his coach was yelling and waving his arms like a madman at the pool. 

Remus tried to get in the zone. Tried to think about what he needed to be mindful of during his race. He found himself zoning out and staring into warm up pool as dread pooled in his stomach. He didn't even realize coach Thomas had come over to talk to him until he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You look scared out of your mind." Thomas tried to catch his gaze. "You do this race all the time. There's nothing to be afraid of. What's going on?"

Remus took a deep, shaky breath. "It's been so long. I know I've already swam three other races today, but those weren't _this_ race. 200 fly is supposed to be my thing, but I haven't done it in almost a year."

That much was true. When quarantine hit the team had been closed for almost two months before they were able to start back up with new social distancing protocols and procedures. It had taken everyone over a month to get back to where they had been physically and mentally, and it had taken two more months after that for a venue to open up where the team could host a meet. For some swimmers, they hadn't been able to come back to practice because of sick or worried family members. Remus was lucky that his and Roman's parents wanted them to get back in the pool as soon as possible. They were freshman this year, which meant that they needed to start working extra hard for the next four years, and Remus couldn't blow that because he was scared of a race that he'd been doing since middle school.

Coach Thomas nodded empathetically. "Nobody's been able to swim for quite some time, and 200 fly is an intimidating race. But you have an advantage over most of the other swimmers competing it today."

"What's that?"

"You've done this race before. More times than you can count. And you enjoy it. Lots of swimmers only swim the 200 fly because their coaches want them to do it, but you practically begged me to put you in this race. You're going to kill it. Just focus on your breathing pattern and your kick, and push hard through the first 100. Then its all down hill from there."

"Uh huh," Remus snorted, "Sure thing coach. Die on the first 100, then do it all over again. Easy." Thomas laughed.

"You can do this, I believe in you. Go warm up so you can be ready."

Remus did warm up. For a while. He knew he would be more prepared the longer he warmed up, and it helped take his mind off of the race ahead of him. When he finally did get out of the warm up pool, he realized he didn't feel any better. In fact, the closer he got to his event, the more nervous he felt. He grabbed his hoodie and slipped it on to stay warm, and then made his way behind the blocks. He was the third heat of his event, and it hadn't even started yet. The girls 200 fly was going on now, and he felt nauseous watching them, and had to look away.

A few minutes later Virgil walked up to him and slapped him on the back. "Wassup Rem. Whatcha swimming?"

"200 fly."

"Yikes. It'll be fine though. You've swum this race like, a thousand times."

"Yeah I know, but I'm freaking out right now."

"Hey," Virgil said, concern suddenly lacing his voice, "It's just 8 25s. You do way more than that in practice all the time."

"Yeah I know, but this time I don't get any rest. I just have to keep going. And I'm probably going to choke on water or slam my hand into the laneline and then I'll have to stop."

"You won't do any of that. And if you do you'll swim through it, just like you have in the past. You're the best flier in our group Remus. If anyone can do this race it's you."

"Thanks."

"No problem. You got this. Stay warm, stay loose. I believe in you. I'm gonna go get the others and we'll all come over and cheer for you. I think Janus might be getting ready for his 500, but I'll see if I can find him as well. Good luck, you can do it." Virgil flashed him one last encouraging smile and then disappeared through the crowed of swimmers, all of whom wore looks of varying unease and nervousness about their upcoming demise. Remus sighed. He shouldn't feel like those people look. He's probably done this race more times than most of these people combined. He should be jumping up and down, trying to be intimidating, but he couldn't. He couldn't shake the unease pooling in his gut that told him the minute he dove into that water he was going to die. He knew it was irrational, but he still felt it anyway.

Remus felt his breathing pick up. He knew he was freaking himself out. Knew that somewhere on the pool deck coach Thomas was probably watching him. He knew that Virgil would've found the others by now, and that they would be heading to the other end of his lane, laughing and talking, and stating how glad they all were that they didn't have to swim this race. _Damnit Remus_ he thought. _What's wrong with you? Get it together already!_

But he couldn't. The first heat of the boys was already more than halfway done. In a little over four minutes Remus would be stepping up onto the blocks and diving in to meet his death. His vision went blurry with tears as he started wheezing, gulping for air that couldn't seem to make it to his lungs. He felt like he was going to throw up any minute. His head was pounding and he couldn't hear anything but his ragged breaths and the voice in his head telling him if he stepped onto that block he would die. 

Remus looked around with wide eyes and caught sight of Janus. He was walking toward the blocks and made eye contact with Remus, picking up speed when he noticed that panicked look in his friend's eye. 

"Hey." Janus said, "You okay?"

"No," Remus replied, "I'm freaking out and I can't do this." The next heat had just started, he needed to get ready.

Janus placed his hands on Remus' shoulders and shook him roughly. He looked at him with piercing blue eyes that bore into Remus' soul. "You can do this. I know you can. Snap out of it and get on that block like the badass you are and race with your heart." He then let go of Remus and walked away, heading toward the rest of their friends. 

Remus shrugged his shoulders and put on his cap and goggles. He tightened his goggles and jumped up and down, swinging his arms like a maniac. He took a few more deep breaths. He was still nervous, of course he was, but he was resigned to his fate, might as well make the best of it.

The second heat finished quickly, and Remus could feel his heart thundering in his ears. He registered the long whistle, telling the next heat to get ready, followed by the three sharp blows, indicating that it was time to step up onto the blocks. Remus stepped up, slamming his foot back against the wedge a few times to make sure it was secure. His eyes were glued to the flags in front of him. Green and white patterned. He didn't focus on his coach, or on his friends who were all shouting last-minute words of encouragement to him. He couldn't hear them. All he could hear was his own steady breathing, and the rapid beat of his heart.

"Take your mark." The announcer said. Her voice was even and monotonous, but it sounded like shrieking in Remus' ears.

BEEP!

Remus took off, muscles acting on instinct more than anything else. He threw himself from the blocks, snapping his hands into a tight streamline and plunging into the chilly water below him. As soon as he was submerged he began pressing his chest forward and back, feeling his legs and feet whip up and down behind him, driving his momentum off the dive for about half of the first lap. When he surfaced he kept his head down, taking a stroke without breathing to keep his speed. On the next stroke he lifted his head as he pulled, and shoved it back towards the water as his hands came forward. He continued this pattern, repeating the mantra in his head; _one up, one down, one up, one down..._ When he reached the wall he place both hands on it firmly, tucking his feet into his body and placing them on the wall. He pushed off and began his underwaters again.

Remus continued his breathing pattern when he came up. He felt to make sure his feet were coming out of the water behind him on every stroke, a sign that he was still kicking properly. He made it through laps two and three with little trouble. He could hear his teammates screaming his name every time he turned. He could see them when he lifted his head to breath. When he pushed off of the wall for lap number four he started to feel tired. His arms were staring to ache, and his breathing had become shallow. As he made it to the other end of the pool, he pushed off hard, and tried to push his underwaters as far as possible, but he was tired and he didn't make it very far before he surfaced again. 

His entire body felt numb. Remus felt as though he had to force his chest down in order to get a solid kick in. On his breakout stroke going into lap 6, he got caught in the wave of another swimmer - or maybe he just didn't kick hard enough? it was hard to tell - and breathed in a mouthful of water. Remus started choking and coughing, trying to hack the water out of his lungs. He was coughing while his head was underwater, and trying to gulp air into his lungs when his head was above water. Remus changed his breathing pattern to two up one down, trying to get more oxygen and get his rhythm back on track. He could feel adrenaline coursing through his veins, and he felt his blood boil.

Now he was angry.

Remus went into his last 50 hard, pushing his underwaters and breaking out with as much power as he could muster. He wanted to gain back that lost time. He forced his arms out of the water, and flung his feet out behind him. He couldn't see his friends anymore, couldn't hear anything except for the splash of water around him and the loud, shallow breaths he was taking. On his last 25 Remus forced his head to stay down, changing his breathing pattern once again, this time to one up two down. He couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything. He couldn't even feel his arms as they pulled him through the water. He kept his head down for the last four strokes. Remus could feel his lungs burning for air. He slammed his hand into the touchpad as hard as he could, before grabbing the wall and taking a deep breath in.

His first breath was more of a wheeze than a breath, and Remus squeezed his eyes shut, fighting off the urge to vomit. After the nausea faded, Remus looked up at the scoreboard. It took him a few moments to remember what lane he was in, but when he looked up he almost couldn't believe it. Next to his last name was the time 2:30.46. That was seven seconds faster than his previous time! Remus checked the scoreboard again to see that he had come in sixth in his heat, but he could care less. He dropped a tremendous amount of time.

The next heat went. The swimmer in his lane dove over him, and Remus struggled to pull himself out of the pool. He stood up and had to fight off a wave of dizziness. Remus had barely taken two steps away from the blocks when he felt Virgil slam into him from the side.

"I knew you could do it idiot!" Virgil said.

"Y-yeah." Remus breathed, clutching onto his friend for dear life. He took a few more breaths and then grinned. "That was so fun!"

"And you were worried about dying." Janus chimed in. 

"Yeah yeah. I'm gonna go cool down before coach yells at me." Remus walked away and collapsed into the cooldown pool. He was excited that he had done so well, and couldn't remember what he had been so worried about in the first place."

When Remus got out he wrapped up in his hoodie and made his way over to coach Thomas, who was smiling widely at him. 

"That was amazing!" He said, clapping Remus on the back. "I thought that was a really solid race. That was a great way to end the meet."

"Thanks." Remus said. "It was fun."

"That's great. 200 fly is a really good race for you, and with a little more work you could be really really great at it." Thomas held out his hand toward Remus, "Go get warmed up and changed. Good job this weekend Remus."

Remus high fived him and left to get his clothes. He had some time to change before Janus' race, but he couldn't wait to go cheer for his friend, just as his friends had cheered for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if there are any other specific races you would like to see any of the sides swim.


End file.
